Over the past few months, I’ve had several exciting moments. My period has been late anywhere from 1 to 4.5 weeks. In the month of November, I was late 4 ½ weeks. I was really excited, but when I took a pregnancy test, it was still coming up negative. I didn’t let it sway me since I figured the hormones in my body did not peak yet and it was going to come. I maintained a stress free life by doing a lot of knitting and enjoying time with my husband and dogs. When the 4 ½ week mark came, I decided it was time to go to the doctor and get a blood test. Perhaps there was something wrong with the at home pregnancy tests. I couldn’t understand why it was not changing positive. It soon hit me when all of a sudden; I started spotting and then got my period. I’ve been through this trial before; the missed period for weeks and then, boom, there it is. However, this time was different because it was never this late. I was never this late pre- or during my 13 year stint with the Pill. What was happening?
For me it got worse. I found myself dreading the next steps of trying to conceive. I thought to myself, there are shows on called “16 and Pregnant”, but none that document the life of a 30-something year old trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully. What I wouldn’t do to figure out what was going on with my body to get it back to the good times of being 16 again. In my mind, if I’m 16, then I’ll be getting pregnant in no time.
Like the times before, I got over it in a day. It was exciting because I purchased the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. Not that I was guaranteed to get pregnant from using the monitor, but at least I would have a better understanding of my body and when I was ovulating. I timed the “testing” to when I would get up in the mornings, either for work or weekends, home or with family back in Chicago. It took a lot of figuring out, but I had it and I was going to get it nailed down.
Sure enough, I began testing for my peak fertility on day 5 and by day 8 or 9, I was at peak and was at peak for 2 days. I was stoked that I finally knew that I was potentially trying too early or too late. I was finally taking control of my body and more optimistic than I was before.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
August 2010
My period is due today, Monday, August 09, 2010 and it’s not here yet. I am equipped with a feminine product. I’ve already taken a negative pregnancy test on Sunday and my body is already going through all of the period symptoms, except one. As gross as this may sound, when I have a bowel movement before and during my period, there is always a clean wipe. This is obscenely crazy, but true in the decades that I’ve had a period. I already cried on Sunday when I took the negative test and not really optimistic that my period is going to be AWOL.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
June/July 2010
June is here and I amstill quite diligent of my sexual routine, but when I started with odd days and had to switch to even, I thought that all was lost. It was then that sex became a chore for me as well as my husband. I felt lost that I did not know what to do and that I was doing something wrong. I enjoyed sex once it finally happened, but getting there was an awkward, teenage, crush that needed to be stopped. Again, 2 negative pregnancy tests.
Now that I’m currently in July, and officially trying for 3 months, I decided to throw everything out of the window that I thought was working in the first place. I wasn’t planning sex anymore and would just have it when we wanted to have it. My diet has still been in full swing, even though I find myself having the dreaded chocolate shake or frappaccino or the like. I also didn’t want to deprive myself, so bottoms up. Day 4 or 5 into my period, I noticed that it was already gone. Having a 3-4 day period was quite abnormal for me since I can recall when I had regular periods without being on the Pill for at least 7 days. Something was definitely up. On day 6, it happened. On a usual route to the bathroom, I was getting ready to toss out my feminine product as my period was obviously over and there it was, clouded and gooey, like I remember so many times before making it official that we were ready to conceive: I was ovulating. There was the discharge in my underwear and I screamed in the bathroom, “Holy Shit!” My husband asked what was wrong and I told him. Of course, there was a planned sexual romp that day, even though we’ve already had sex twice before. I knew that this was my chance to catch the sucker before I completely missed out.
Now that I’m currently in July, and officially trying for 3 months, I decided to throw everything out of the window that I thought was working in the first place. I wasn’t planning sex anymore and would just have it when we wanted to have it. My diet has still been in full swing, even though I find myself having the dreaded chocolate shake or frappaccino or the like. I also didn’t want to deprive myself, so bottoms up. Day 4 or 5 into my period, I noticed that it was already gone. Having a 3-4 day period was quite abnormal for me since I can recall when I had regular periods without being on the Pill for at least 7 days. Something was definitely up. On day 6, it happened. On a usual route to the bathroom, I was getting ready to toss out my feminine product as my period was obviously over and there it was, clouded and gooey, like I remember so many times before making it official that we were ready to conceive: I was ovulating. There was the discharge in my underwear and I screamed in the bathroom, “Holy Shit!” My husband asked what was wrong and I told him. Of course, there was a planned sexual romp that day, even though we’ve already had sex twice before. I knew that this was my chance to catch the sucker before I completely missed out.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Here We Go...
Since trying to conceive since April of 2010, I find myself going absolutely crazy. My life has become a constant view of the calendar, counting and planning while trying to maintain stress levels as well as enjoy the art of sex. However, after about 8 negative pregnancy tests, purchasing feminine products, and getting my period, life just took a horrible U-turn.
On the cool morning in April, I was happy to speak with my gynecologist about being ready to have a baby. She was thrilled that I brought the news with a smile and decided that it was time to break up with the Pill after 13 years. Of course, I inquired about whether the Pill makes it more difficult to get pregnant and got the response, “It’s different for everyone.” Somehow, I wasn’t satisfied with the response since I have to hoist myself up onto the table every 6 months as she gets the bird’s eye view of the happenings in there. I guess it was something that I would have to settle with for the time being. At first, I was going to finish the round of Pills that I had; there was about a week and a half left. I then thought of my pharmacist sister telling me that if you stop your Pill in the middle of the cycle, it can not only mess up your cycle, but you could become pregnant. I therefore stopped with 1.5 weeks left.
I felt that I had all the eggs in a row (pun intended). I did not do much research on getting pregnant and thought that it would be something relatively simple. However, when I got my period after our first attempt, I was devastated. I’m sure that I knew deep down that I wouldn’t get pregnant the first time around, but I sure was confident that I was going to be.
May was probably the worst month. I had written on the calendar, planning my sexual routine on even numbered days and making sure that my husband did not have any work trips. We were like clockwork trying on every even day from day 10 all the way to 28. I took another negative pregnancy test, but heard that it could possibly be inaccurate as the hormone levels could still be quite low. Friends have told me to hold the negative test against a white piece of paper to determine if you can see a faint line. A faint line is still a pregnant line. I nearly became obsessed in the month of May by holding each of the three pregnancy tests to the white sheets of paper from my printer. Because I wanted it so badly, my eyes made me believe that I saw the line. I was a week late on my period and I thought that I scored. The Friday after the date that I was to have my period, I got it. Again, devastation. My husband tried to cheer me up by taking me out to dinner. We went to a new Indian restaurant in the area. We sat down… right next to a visibly pregnant woman. I cried at the table.
I’ve discovered that the day my period came was the worst day. The day after and so on, were fine. However, after taking 4 negative pregnancy tests, I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me. When I finally came to the realization that I had no clue what was wrong, I started doing some research online. Granted, it made me more obsessed, but at least I had a better idea of what I should be doing. I started with my diet. I rehired my personal trainer and got back into working out about 3-5 days a week and I cut out lunch meat. I spoke to a friend who had her baby boy over a year ago and she told me that I should stop. Therefore, I decided to cut it out as I’m sure it wasn’t good for me anyway. I then realized that I should have been taking my prenatal vitamins since my visit to the gynecologist. Great, no wonder I wasn’t getting pregnant.
On the cool morning in April, I was happy to speak with my gynecologist about being ready to have a baby. She was thrilled that I brought the news with a smile and decided that it was time to break up with the Pill after 13 years. Of course, I inquired about whether the Pill makes it more difficult to get pregnant and got the response, “It’s different for everyone.” Somehow, I wasn’t satisfied with the response since I have to hoist myself up onto the table every 6 months as she gets the bird’s eye view of the happenings in there. I guess it was something that I would have to settle with for the time being. At first, I was going to finish the round of Pills that I had; there was about a week and a half left. I then thought of my pharmacist sister telling me that if you stop your Pill in the middle of the cycle, it can not only mess up your cycle, but you could become pregnant. I therefore stopped with 1.5 weeks left.
I felt that I had all the eggs in a row (pun intended). I did not do much research on getting pregnant and thought that it would be something relatively simple. However, when I got my period after our first attempt, I was devastated. I’m sure that I knew deep down that I wouldn’t get pregnant the first time around, but I sure was confident that I was going to be.
May was probably the worst month. I had written on the calendar, planning my sexual routine on even numbered days and making sure that my husband did not have any work trips. We were like clockwork trying on every even day from day 10 all the way to 28. I took another negative pregnancy test, but heard that it could possibly be inaccurate as the hormone levels could still be quite low. Friends have told me to hold the negative test against a white piece of paper to determine if you can see a faint line. A faint line is still a pregnant line. I nearly became obsessed in the month of May by holding each of the three pregnancy tests to the white sheets of paper from my printer. Because I wanted it so badly, my eyes made me believe that I saw the line. I was a week late on my period and I thought that I scored. The Friday after the date that I was to have my period, I got it. Again, devastation. My husband tried to cheer me up by taking me out to dinner. We went to a new Indian restaurant in the area. We sat down… right next to a visibly pregnant woman. I cried at the table.
I’ve discovered that the day my period came was the worst day. The day after and so on, were fine. However, after taking 4 negative pregnancy tests, I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me. When I finally came to the realization that I had no clue what was wrong, I started doing some research online. Granted, it made me more obsessed, but at least I had a better idea of what I should be doing. I started with my diet. I rehired my personal trainer and got back into working out about 3-5 days a week and I cut out lunch meat. I spoke to a friend who had her baby boy over a year ago and she told me that I should stop. Therefore, I decided to cut it out as I’m sure it wasn’t good for me anyway. I then realized that I should have been taking my prenatal vitamins since my visit to the gynecologist. Great, no wonder I wasn’t getting pregnant.
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