The Family Announcement

We planned to tell the family when we went back to Chi-Town for the holidays. We wanted to get home early enough where we would be able to tell everyone in the same day thanks to the day and age of social networking. We played it right though; it would have been horrible if my sister in law said something on Facebook and my mother in law read it before we told her. My husband had the best idea for telling everyone. The day of my first ultrasound, I had made photos out of the ultrasound for everyone in the family and on the back I wrote, "you're going to be a" and filled it in with grandparents, aunt, etc. It was perfect. Right from the highway, we went to Panera to meet up with my mother-in-law. Perhaps we should have been in a more secluded place since when we gave her the envelope and said "Here's an early Christmas gift" and she opened it, I think all of Panera knew what was going on. It was a great moment. From there, we went to my parent's house. This was going to be a difficult time as my mother was diagnosed a few years ago with Alzheimer's. My fear is that she would not understand or forget. I was jumping in with both feet though. We went to the house and my dad was there by the door. My mom was happy to see us as always. We sat down and my dad go us something to drink and we said, "We have an early Christmas gift for you guys" and handed them the envelope. My dad grabbed his reading glasses and opened it up and read the back and looked at the picture. He then told my mom what it said and gave her the picture. They were both very happy and excited. And yes, mom knew as she started talking about when my sister and I were babies. It made me feel wonderful. We then went over to my father-in-law's house. There were a lot of people to tell there; one father, one step mother, 2 brothers and one sister. The key was making sure that at least my father- and step mother-in-law were there as one of the brother's knew and the others would definitely welcome the news on Facebook the second we said something. Unfortunately, when we got there, my step mother in law was not there. We had decided to wait since we were told that she would be home soon. In the meantime we were talking with dad and he offered us some drinks. I ended up getting some water and my husband had some wine. "Did you want some wine?" dad asked. "No thanks, I'm good." I responded. "It's sweet red. I thought you liked sweet red." he persisted. My husband jumped in and said, "She likes white wine." "Oh, well, we have white too!" he insisted. "No no no, I'll just have some of Cheetah's" I replied. Oh great. What the heck am I going to do? I know you're thinking, just tell him, but we really had a plan and we were going to stick with it, by gosh! Cheetah said that he would take the glass and I said that I would try his. I had the glass in my hand and dad was staring at me. A droplet of wine touched my lips and I brought the glass back down, even swallowing as if I took a swig. "It's really good, but I'm OK." Thankfully, he didn't probe anymore. Finally after about 15 minutes after the wine incident, mom got to the house. We waited for her to settle down and then we gave them their envelope, "Here's an early Christmas present. Open it together." One looked as the other opened the envelope. They were quite excited and "Congratulations" were given around the room. By far though, my sister in law had the best reaction. Unfortunately, I didn't see the other two brothers to say whether theirs was better or not, but for me, her's was the best. She came downstairs from preparing our room and we handed her the envelope, when she opened the envelope, she let out a yelp with her eyes widened and mouth opened. Then she started to exclaim, "Oh my goodness, are you serious??" It was a wonderful moment. The following day when my sister and her husband came in, who had already knew, we visited by my mom and dad's house. The best moment was when my mom asked, "Did you tell her?" It really warmed my heart.

The Peanut

I had my first ultrasound this morning. I was excited and anxious all at once. All I wanted to know was after this journey, was it in the right place and did it have a heartbeat. Those were the only things that really mattered to me at that point.

My husband came with me. It was a great moment for both of us. When the assistant showed us to the room, she told me to undress from the waist down. Pretty normal I guess, but not really to my husband. "What are they going to do?" I replied, "I have no idea. I've never done this before." I've been to my usual appointments, but this was not like any of those. This was for all the peanuts.

As I lay on the table, I cannot recall what was going through my mind. I didn't know what to think or expect. I also never understood the paper robes/cloths they gave you to wear. My doctor came into the room and I think that was when I thought, "is my bladder empty" or "here we go."

As she sat down, she used the ultrasound wand and the husband and I watched the monitor. There it was. I couldn't believe it. In the right place and everything! She told me to lie still so we could listen to the heartbeat. When we heard it, we finally understood when we would hear our friends talk about hearing that heartbeat for the very first time. We too were experiencing that moment. The husband thought it sounded like a train; I thought Celo Green was in there beat-boxing. About 1 inch big and had a beat per minute (BPM) of 177. The husband and I looked at one another when she told us. That's around the BPM of our greyhound! But there it was, in all it's glory!



I was at a loss for words when we left. We scheduled the next appointment and we were on our way. As I write this, I don't think that I've stopped shaking. It was one of my most happiest moments.

Huh?

The husband and I were making dinner yesterday when we decided to have the talk. For any woman in my situation, you know the talk that I am referring to: Whether or not to continue on towards in-vitro fertilization (IVF) or quitting altogether and see what happens after a break. At this point, we are fully immersed in the pool. Although the cost of IVF has us a bit concerned, we decided that we should just go for it. At this point, we have nothing to lose.

My period is due tomorrow so I asked if I should throw the "hail mary" in the morning just to see so we can move forward with the plan. Yep. Before bed last night, I placed the wrapped pregnancy test atop of the toilet in preparation of the morning's fate. Oddly enough, I slept well.

I woke up this morning at 05:00 and shuffled my feet into the bathroom and flicked on the light. I unwrapped the pregnancy test and peed on what I've been told is the most sophisticated technology that I'll ever pee on. Half asleep, I bring the test up and place the cap on. What the... no way. I finish up and look again. HUH? I brush my teeth. When I took a final look, I screamed. I screamed so loud that my husband nearly jumped out of bed and said, "Is someone in the house??" I took a step back; composed myself and said in my calmest voice possible: "No, but could you please come here; I need your eyes."

He slowly got out of bed and strolled on over, half asleep, and squinting from the bright neon lights of the bathroom. "What do you see; a plus sign or a minus sign?" He bent over to look at the test on the sink. He looked over at me and said, "It's a plus sign; what does that mean?" Sure I just went to the bathroom, but I thought that I was going to wet my pants all over again. "It means we're pregnant!!!!" All of a sudden, the sleep that was once overcoming his body seemed to jump out the window and I got the "HOLY SH*T!!" I took a picture of the pregnancy test and continued my day.

It seems strange to say, but after all this time of trying, I cannot believe that I'm finally at this point. There's no looking back now. I'm still shaking as I type this. Wow. Keep those heads up, fellow women out there who are going through this. Just keep them up.

The Hail Mary

I just had the last round of intra-uterine insemination. It was difficult. When I went to the appointment prior to the procedure, my doctor had schedule the procedure for a day and a half later. I thought this was strange since I have been going in later in the afternoon the day after. Hmm, I thought maybe he was on to something. Perhaps the first two unsuccessful attempts prior could use a little change up. So, I came in a day and a half later in the morning.

I felt like garbage the entire day when I got to work. First off, I was in pain from the procedure. Secondly, I should have just parked in front of my house and walked to work since my work parking lot was completely filled when I got there. And finally, it was strangely warm outside. I just wanted to get through the day and kick back on the couch. I will be testing in about two weeks.

My Last Round of IUI

Well, today is day one of my cycle and I'm growing more and more impatient and frustrated. On day 11 or 13, I will be having my final round of artificial insemination or intra-uterine insemination (IUI). After this point and if it is unsuccessful, I will be going with the husband to the fertility clinic. As I read the words on the page, it makes my skin crawl knowing that we actually may have to go to the end of the plan. It's quite frightening and exciting; however, the scary part is more prominent than the latter. Here goes nothing...or everything for that matter.

Fertility Medication and Tests and Periods, OH MY!

I've now been on Clomid for 2 months. Apparently I also need to go back to school since I thought that I would start this a bit later. However, after my first blood test after my cycle started, it was determined that my hormone levels were a bit off. Now, I'm swinging high and living large. Next month, if we are still unsuccessful, I will be getting the Novarel shot. It was explained to me that while the Clomid helps stimulate the ovaries, the Novarel will help push them out so they can meet up with some hunks down the street. Well, that was my interpretation anyway.

These first two rounds of Clomid were rough. I found myself moody and cranky, quite the common side effect I've been told. Well, trying to explain that to a husband who works constantly and wants a happy wife when he comes home is a different situation. I have been more conscious of my actions and I do know when they happen. At least I'm willing to admit that. It's been a trying time, but I'm definitely still in the game.

Although this post is a bit lighthearted, I have to say that I'm growing more and more uneasy. Accompanying the shot would be IUI or intra-uterine insemination, or artificial insemination. After that, well, is the big in-vitro fertilization. Sure, I still have a plan, but I just don't know how much more I can take of this. It's frustrating and I'm unsure of how my body will react or if it will be painful. At this point, we've been trying for over a year and the end result is to become pregnant. I'm destined to be in some pain, so I guess this is just preparing me for it. Nonetheless, I'm ready to stop taking the medicine and crawl into a hole.

Ok, What's the Deal?

It's now been a year since we've started trying. Every trick that I have tried fizzled and I had to go to the doctor. I have to say; it was bitter sweet. I was happy because I would get tests ran and actually find out what is going on with my body. However, it was negative because I also did not know what was going to be found. After trying for a year, the worst feeling would be finding out that I can't have children after finally making the decision at over 3 decades on this Earth; debating and wondering when was a good time.

So, I went to the doctor's office. It was frustrating because I wanted answers now and this is a process. I was off to a good start though; I was using my trusty Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. But I guess this is where the fun comes. I was given a plan, which for me was great since I've been planning for the past year now. I had to get blood tests so many days after I ovulated; I had to get an x-ray to make sure that the fallopian tubes were not blocked; and once all of these tests came out OK, it was time to start the fertility medications.

Oh my! I sat with the husband and we spoke about the plan and what would happen and so forth. What if we get pregnant with more than one!? As of this moment, I'm worried about having one. He is amazingly supportive and we were happy to know that there was a plan set forth and we were going to start it. Step one: wait for my period to start.

Something Odd

Nothing works out as it seems. By day 9, something strange happened; I started spotting. I thought nothing of it as I figured my body was still trying to get back on track from being on the Pill for so long, but then the following day came and it was heavier. I was nauseous and ended up vomiting. This is not for the faint of heart and I would proceed with caution while reading this as I will be getting quite vivid. The blood that was flowing wasn’t like my normal period blood, which is normally a dark red; it was more of a blood red. After using the bathroom, the toilet water was almost pink and the toilet paper was streaked with blood red lines. I didn’t get it. What was happening to my body?

After a day or so, the color started to change from blood red to dark red. Over the next day or so, it started becoming lighter and I figured it must be my period… again. I was still testing on my monitor because for those of you who have tested on the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor, you will know that you have to test for at least 10 days. Today was day 10 of testing (day 15 of my period).

However, on day 9, things got stranger. I felt the gush. Most women know what this is and so, of course, I ran to the bathroom to see that I was bleeding again. Back to the usual blood red. I did what any normal woman would do; I called my sister. She’s not your average sister. She’s a pharmacist and I hold her higher than nearly all doctors that I’ve had in my time. I first told her what was happening. She knew when I started bleeding again on day 9 as we were in the same place at the same time. In her non sympathetic voice, she said, “That sounds pretty serious. You need to go to the doctor.” I knew she was right. I really wanted to know the w’s; why was this happening? What was going on with my body? Was this the worst I could think of happening to me?

She asked if I was light headed or in pain. No. I was having the usual light cramps that one would have during the menstrual cycle; nothing that I worried about. However, I’m sure that she’s seen more in her time than I ever will by working in a hospital (yes, even as a pharmacist, people!). As we talked a bit more, she came right out and said, “You know, it could be, you know.” I knew. I just didn’t wanna say the “M” word. No couple trying to conceive ever wants to mutter the word. Therefore, I’m calling the doctor to make an appointment… and I’m nauseous just thinking about it.