Is This...Normal?

I was welcomed into the 2nd trimester last week by going to my next appointment. We were both excited that we would get another glimpse of the "Peach". We were able to hear the heartbeat again; it was in the 160s this time around. Is that a big jump from when we heard it at week 9 and it was 177? The exciting part was that my ultrasound was able to be done on my belly. Woo hoo, no more awkward moments for the husband!... for now.

The doctor came into the room and she asked if we had questions. Around week 16-18, if desired, we can get genetic testing done to see if the fetus has spina bifida. There is a list of other genetic disorders that were mentioned, but I was mostly concerned about spina bifida. My father has spina bifida, but was such a mild case that he did not have any complications. However, since I mentioned that my dad has it, the doctors mention whenever the genetic testing is brought up, "You may want to consider it since it runs in your family." I understand the statement and I know that they want to help. However, I have also learned from the doctors that there is a 20-25% false positive test. Uh, false positive? Is there anything that can be done if we find out that our baby has mild to severe spina bifida? The answer if you could imagine is no. Plus there is the chance that the positive test actually means nothing at all and while I'm stressing through the next 20 weeks or so, the baby could come out fine. Do I really want to do this?

Our answer is no. Sure, thanks to my dad, we have this chance, but since there is nothing that we can do while the fetus is still growing inside my belly, why would we put that kind of stress on the baby? It just did not make any sense. So, at the 17 week appointment, I'll gladly say no to the genetic testing and have one less blood test to worry about. Has anyone out there experienced this? Have you had the genetic testing?

My next question was what did the doctor recommend for Blood Cord Banking. It appears that most of this is done online and I would sign up now and I would get a kit in the mail. I would have to bring it to the hospital with me when I go into labor. It made sense right now, but I could imagine my water breaking, grabbing the bag by the door, locking up the animals, grabbing my kit, freshening up the hair and make up and walking calmly out the door. YEAH RIGHT! "Resort to your level of training." That's a quote from my husband. However, I don't think that he has to worry about actually giving birth to this being that we've been trying to get for how long. However, if prepared, I'm sure that it would happen. I also have to read up on it more because as the doctor spoke, I heard mumble mumble mumble, "two thousand dollars" blah blah blah. I also heard monthly cost. Really? Did I hear this correctly? I am a firm believer in science and want to do all I can in order to assist with adequate research. So, like I said, I am definitely going to have to check into this. Has anyone ever used blood cord banking?

And finally, the doctor was telling me that now that I'm in my 2nd trimester, the "morning sickness" will finally taper off and you will be less tired. Thankfully, I did not have "morning sickness". I would get nauseous from time to time, but not the horror stories of projectile vomiting that I've heard from friends or read in books. By no means am I bragging, trust me. I was plagued with gas. I could put truck drivers to shame and even embarrass the most manly of men. At least with morning sickness, you get, "Man, poor thing. What a rough pregnancy." With gas, it's, "Who's the idiot who keeps ripping one in the office!?" At lunch, I was king. I could belch with the best and gather applause, but heaven forbid if I tried to sneak out a quick one thinking that it would go unnoticed. It is not fun and no, it still has not tapered off in the glorious 2nd trimester.

I had also asked about classes that we could take. I guess I did not read the handbook that I did not get which explains when I should or should not be planning certain things. "You have a while before you have to think about that." Great, now I felt like the jerk who is trying to rush through the process. Am I?

I hope that I'm not the only one feeling like this, but I feel like I could flip from nice to jerk; from confident to insecure; from friendly to mean in a split second and can bounce right back again. Oddly enough, my confident to insecure has peaked in the glorious 2nd trimester. I do not like this at all. Maybe I am not eating right. Maybe I am thinking too much. Or as many mom-friends have told me, "Maybe it's because you have a person growing inside of you." I'm sure it's the latter, but working on the others couldn't hurt, right?

We have a 17- and a 20- week appointment set up already. Yes, we want to find out the gender. My body is changing little by little. My stomach is showing a small bump, which I have to start documenting for my mother-in-law as promised. I have yet to take one picture of my belly since finding out. This will be on my to-do list for the weekend and will post a photo. Is it strange that I feel like the baby is pulling all of my rear-end to my belly? I liked my rear-end, Peaches, just leave it where it's at! And, no, I do not have any strange cravings yet as my pseudo-brother-in-law cannot wait to hear about. Right now, it's ice cream; just plain, ol' ice cream. And for those who know me... the Oreo cravings are still there. :)

The Family Announcement

We planned to tell the family when we went back to Chi-Town for the holidays. We wanted to get home early enough where we would be able to tell everyone in the same day thanks to the day and age of social networking. We played it right though; it would have been horrible if my sister in law said something on Facebook and my mother in law read it before we told her. My husband had the best idea for telling everyone. The day of my first ultrasound, I had made photos out of the ultrasound for everyone in the family and on the back I wrote, "you're going to be a" and filled it in with grandparents, aunt, etc. It was perfect. Right from the highway, we went to Panera to meet up with my mother-in-law. Perhaps we should have been in a more secluded place since when we gave her the envelope and said "Here's an early Christmas gift" and she opened it, I think all of Panera knew what was going on. It was a great moment. From there, we went to my parent's house. This was going to be a difficult time as my mother was diagnosed a few years ago with Alzheimer's. My fear is that she would not understand or forget. I was jumping in with both feet though. We went to the house and my dad was there by the door. My mom was happy to see us as always. We sat down and my dad go us something to drink and we said, "We have an early Christmas gift for you guys" and handed them the envelope. My dad grabbed his reading glasses and opened it up and read the back and looked at the picture. He then told my mom what it said and gave her the picture. They were both very happy and excited. And yes, mom knew as she started talking about when my sister and I were babies. It made me feel wonderful. We then went over to my father-in-law's house. There were a lot of people to tell there; one father, one step mother, 2 brothers and one sister. The key was making sure that at least my father- and step mother-in-law were there as one of the brother's knew and the others would definitely welcome the news on Facebook the second we said something. Unfortunately, when we got there, my step mother in law was not there. We had decided to wait since we were told that she would be home soon. In the meantime we were talking with dad and he offered us some drinks. I ended up getting some water and my husband had some wine. "Did you want some wine?" dad asked. "No thanks, I'm good." I responded. "It's sweet red. I thought you liked sweet red." he persisted. My husband jumped in and said, "She likes white wine." "Oh, well, we have white too!" he insisted. "No no no, I'll just have some of Cheetah's" I replied. Oh great. What the heck am I going to do? I know you're thinking, just tell him, but we really had a plan and we were going to stick with it, by gosh! Cheetah said that he would take the glass and I said that I would try his. I had the glass in my hand and dad was staring at me. A droplet of wine touched my lips and I brought the glass back down, even swallowing as if I took a swig. "It's really good, but I'm OK." Thankfully, he didn't probe anymore. Finally after about 15 minutes after the wine incident, mom got to the house. We waited for her to settle down and then we gave them their envelope, "Here's an early Christmas present. Open it together." One looked as the other opened the envelope. They were quite excited and "Congratulations" were given around the room. By far though, my sister in law had the best reaction. Unfortunately, I didn't see the other two brothers to say whether theirs was better or not, but for me, her's was the best. She came downstairs from preparing our room and we handed her the envelope, when she opened the envelope, she let out a yelp with her eyes widened and mouth opened. Then she started to exclaim, "Oh my goodness, are you serious??" It was a wonderful moment. The following day when my sister and her husband came in, who had already knew, we visited by my mom and dad's house. The best moment was when my mom asked, "Did you tell her?" It really warmed my heart.

The Peanut

I had my first ultrasound this morning. I was excited and anxious all at once. All I wanted to know was after this journey, was it in the right place and did it have a heartbeat. Those were the only things that really mattered to me at that point.

My husband came with me. It was a great moment for both of us. When the assistant showed us to the room, she told me to undress from the waist down. Pretty normal I guess, but not really to my husband. "What are they going to do?" I replied, "I have no idea. I've never done this before." I've been to my usual appointments, but this was not like any of those. This was for all the peanuts.

As I lay on the table, I cannot recall what was going through my mind. I didn't know what to think or expect. I also never understood the paper robes/cloths they gave you to wear. My doctor came into the room and I think that was when I thought, "is my bladder empty" or "here we go."

As she sat down, she used the ultrasound wand and the husband and I watched the monitor. There it was. I couldn't believe it. In the right place and everything! She told me to lie still so we could listen to the heartbeat. When we heard it, we finally understood when we would hear our friends talk about hearing that heartbeat for the very first time. We too were experiencing that moment. The husband thought it sounded like a train; I thought Celo Green was in there beat-boxing. About 1 inch big and had a beat per minute (BPM) of 177. The husband and I looked at one another when she told us. That's around the BPM of our greyhound! But there it was, in all it's glory!



I was at a loss for words when we left. We scheduled the next appointment and we were on our way. As I write this, I don't think that I've stopped shaking. It was one of my most happiest moments.

Huh?

The husband and I were making dinner yesterday when we decided to have the talk. For any woman in my situation, you know the talk that I am referring to: Whether or not to continue on towards in-vitro fertilization (IVF) or quitting altogether and see what happens after a break. At this point, we are fully immersed in the pool. Although the cost of IVF has us a bit concerned, we decided that we should just go for it. At this point, we have nothing to lose.

My period is due tomorrow so I asked if I should throw the "hail mary" in the morning just to see so we can move forward with the plan. Yep. Before bed last night, I placed the wrapped pregnancy test atop of the toilet in preparation of the morning's fate. Oddly enough, I slept well.

I woke up this morning at 05:00 and shuffled my feet into the bathroom and flicked on the light. I unwrapped the pregnancy test and peed on what I've been told is the most sophisticated technology that I'll ever pee on. Half asleep, I bring the test up and place the cap on. What the... no way. I finish up and look again. HUH? I brush my teeth. When I took a final look, I screamed. I screamed so loud that my husband nearly jumped out of bed and said, "Is someone in the house??" I took a step back; composed myself and said in my calmest voice possible: "No, but could you please come here; I need your eyes."

He slowly got out of bed and strolled on over, half asleep, and squinting from the bright neon lights of the bathroom. "What do you see; a plus sign or a minus sign?" He bent over to look at the test on the sink. He looked over at me and said, "It's a plus sign; what does that mean?" Sure I just went to the bathroom, but I thought that I was going to wet my pants all over again. "It means we're pregnant!!!!" All of a sudden, the sleep that was once overcoming his body seemed to jump out the window and I got the "HOLY SH*T!!" I took a picture of the pregnancy test and continued my day.

It seems strange to say, but after all this time of trying, I cannot believe that I'm finally at this point. There's no looking back now. I'm still shaking as I type this. Wow. Keep those heads up, fellow women out there who are going through this. Just keep them up.

The Hail Mary

I just had the last round of intra-uterine insemination. It was difficult. When I went to the appointment prior to the procedure, my doctor had schedule the procedure for a day and a half later. I thought this was strange since I have been going in later in the afternoon the day after. Hmm, I thought maybe he was on to something. Perhaps the first two unsuccessful attempts prior could use a little change up. So, I came in a day and a half later in the morning.

I felt like garbage the entire day when I got to work. First off, I was in pain from the procedure. Secondly, I should have just parked in front of my house and walked to work since my work parking lot was completely filled when I got there. And finally, it was strangely warm outside. I just wanted to get through the day and kick back on the couch. I will be testing in about two weeks.

My Last Round of IUI

Well, today is day one of my cycle and I'm growing more and more impatient and frustrated. On day 11 or 13, I will be having my final round of artificial insemination or intra-uterine insemination (IUI). After this point and if it is unsuccessful, I will be going with the husband to the fertility clinic. As I read the words on the page, it makes my skin crawl knowing that we actually may have to go to the end of the plan. It's quite frightening and exciting; however, the scary part is more prominent than the latter. Here goes nothing...or everything for that matter.

Fertility Medication and Tests and Periods, OH MY!

I've now been on Clomid for 2 months. Apparently I also need to go back to school since I thought that I would start this a bit later. However, after my first blood test after my cycle started, it was determined that my hormone levels were a bit off. Now, I'm swinging high and living large. Next month, if we are still unsuccessful, I will be getting the Novarel shot. It was explained to me that while the Clomid helps stimulate the ovaries, the Novarel will help push them out so they can meet up with some hunks down the street. Well, that was my interpretation anyway.

These first two rounds of Clomid were rough. I found myself moody and cranky, quite the common side effect I've been told. Well, trying to explain that to a husband who works constantly and wants a happy wife when he comes home is a different situation. I have been more conscious of my actions and I do know when they happen. At least I'm willing to admit that. It's been a trying time, but I'm definitely still in the game.

Although this post is a bit lighthearted, I have to say that I'm growing more and more uneasy. Accompanying the shot would be IUI or intra-uterine insemination, or artificial insemination. After that, well, is the big in-vitro fertilization. Sure, I still have a plan, but I just don't know how much more I can take of this. It's frustrating and I'm unsure of how my body will react or if it will be painful. At this point, we've been trying for over a year and the end result is to become pregnant. I'm destined to be in some pain, so I guess this is just preparing me for it. Nonetheless, I'm ready to stop taking the medicine and crawl into a hole.